Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
