I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
