you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
