when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
