i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
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