i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
