After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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