So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
