Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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