I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
