How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
