The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
