i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
