you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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