wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Randomize
