Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
