I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
