she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Randomize
