And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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