you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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