Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Randomize
