No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
