she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
