Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
