I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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