Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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