hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
