My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
