Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
