we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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