people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Congratulations! We have a period
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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