Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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