when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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