One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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