I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize
