Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
