i permit you to call me
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Randomize
