at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
