Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
