This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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