the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
