I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I would ride that face into the sunset
Randomize
