1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
