My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
MIDGETS
????
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
