hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
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