You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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