she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
