My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I just blew my weed a kiss
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
