at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
