I am in a vortex of obligation.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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