I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
