he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Randomize
