why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
