I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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