Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Just pee around me
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
