i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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