I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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