I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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