Do you still have your period?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
