Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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