I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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