would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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