My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
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